I began the work last summer, first conversing with Justin to see what he thought. I had been lecturing composition and developmental writing for two years by then, but although interesting, rewarding and challenging, it was not what I received my MA degree in nor what I really wanted to teach. The pay was horrific: if I weren't married, I would qualify for food stamps and low-income housing. For a 50-hour work week, I was paid $30,000 a year after taxes to develop university-level reading, writing, and thinking skills in America's youth. The guilt I had of not being able to contribute more to our household often had me in tears: a dynamic, talented, intelligent young woman such as I could barely afford to pay all of her bills each month. I could not save for our future. I could not see myself ever being able to have a child and support a child.
However, I love teaching at university. It is a place of peace, youth, learning. There is something calming in this setting that keeps one young and curious. I love it within these walls: I just want to teach my interests, and I'd like to be given a living wage. A PhD would allow me to become an expert in my field, contribute in large ways to my field, while also providing me the pathway to making decent money and a retirement, that is, if I do good work as a student and jump on opportunities as they arise.
Justin, too, is ready for change. He has been in the same industry for ten years and has worked his way up the ladder, now Assistant Vice President. The environment is highly stressful and vitriolic; he must work with people over the phone all day who yell, scream, pout, and whine like children, all people who have no idea what they are doing, having no clue that they are talking to an expert. Justin comes home very stressed out, and I often worry about his physical and mental health.
The Bay Area is a highly competitive region. All of our young friends are getting married, having children, and buying homes. If single, these techies, engineers, and business people have the money to spend on vacations, gadgets, cars, toys. Justin is in title and escrow. I'm in teaching. We save up and travel; we save to buy a nice thing here and there. But this competitive lifestyle and region doesn't fit us. We're quiet folk raised in the same quiet county, where life's priorities were much different. We are both ready for a change, and we are both young enough, smart enough, and strong enough, still, to take a big chance and do something incredibly different.
Originally, I wanted to apply to ten schools. The self-deprecating person that I am, I figured that perhaps one might offer me a place at its institution. If I was going to do this, I was going to do it to my best ability, and I was going to do it right. For example, the Graduate Record Examination (GRE) is a required test that all applicants must take. Depending on the program, it can be important or not important to score well; however, doing well increases your chances not only of admission, but also of funding offers. Thus, I paid for a GRE class in order to do this right. The class met every Wednesday night for two months. I taught four courses all day on Wednesdays, then would rush to the course (thankfully one was offered on my campus) and be in class at night for the next two hours. I also studied on my own with the workbooks. August and September were tiring months for me, and as I look back on it, I do not know how I did it.
It was absolutely exhausting from day one: finding the time to teach my courses, grade papers, take my GRE course, and research and apply to schools meant that I had to make a lot of changes. First, I quit Facebook, the evil distraction that sucks all of us in, having just returned to it less than two months ago after this process was finished. And I must say, it was great to be away from Facebook. I also took the advice of one of my mentors at Davis and stopped hanging out with people, which saved me time and money, despite making me look like a complete asshole. My mentor advised, "They'll understand, and they'll be there when you return." She was right. My friends are awesome and they completely understood.
As I learned the cost of applying (GRE class, GRE test, fees to send GRE scores, each application fee, fees to send transcripts), I limited my choices in schools from ten to six. Six schools. Again, having little self-confidence, I just hoped to gain admission to one. These schools, too, required talks with Justin. Hawaii at Manoa has a magnificent Second Language Studies program, and it's frickin' Hawaii! Justin, though, was adamant that he could not live there. Thus, his life and his happiness played a large factor in school choice. The application process required countless hours of research, reading the work of great professors, coming up with an argument as to why they should admit me, how my ideas relate to theirs, and why their program is a great fit for me and my research, and so on and so forth. Proofreading my application over and over, following the very different rules for each university's process, self-doubting myself constantly, timidly asking for letters of recommendation from my professors at Davis, knowing that I was asking them to give up their valuable time for me -- all of this required a particular state of mind and a will to improve myself, something that I've always possessed and that has allowed me to be a leader and a challenger since I was young.
The first applications were due in early December; the very last was due on February 1. I ended up applying to Stanford, University of Wisconsin-Madison, University of Illinois-Urbana-Champaign, Michigan State, Penn State, and University of Pennsylvania. I got into four of six schools: the ivy leagues (Stanford and UPenn) wanted nothing to do with me, sending me the most generic letters of declination. However, the other four sent me incredible offers. Unfortunately, Wisconsin's Second Language Acquisition program is funded and staffed quite oddly, and I was not able to receive the spot that I was looking for. However, Illinois, Michigan State, and Penn State provided wonderful offers: full funding, living stipend, health insurance. I received a wonderful and attractive Distinguished Fellowship at Michigan State that soared well above the normal funding package, and I received a scholarship at Penn State above their normal package, too. Therefore, self-deprecating Katie Masters did quite well! Wow. Four of six ain't bad.
To add to the expenses, I had to travel out to the three universities. Again, this was a huge move for us and we needed to be completely sure of our options. Michigan State flew me out there and back -- what a treat. They really pulled for me, and Justin and I totally loved it there: the environment, the campus, the program, the people. It was such a cool place (literally, the snow just wouldn't stop coming down)! Justin could not take more time off work, so he traveled home, while I rented a car and headed south to Illinois, Urbana-Champaign. What a trip. One day I was driving through Illinois cornfields and the very next I was back teaching in the classroom in California. It was an exhausting but much-needed journey. Urbana-Champaign was a gorgeous school and the program was phenomenal. I would have loved to attend there, but it was truly in the middle of nowhere. I was worried about Justin's job opportunities and our overall happiness. While out at Michigan State, I received an email that I had been admitted to Penn State, so Justin and I planned a trip there for a few weeks later.
Penn State was incredible. From day one it was my top choice of school. The Vygotskian vibe of the Applied Linguistics department called to me immediately, and all the big names in socio- and applied linguistics are there: James Lantolf, Suresh Canagarajah, Karen E. Johnson, Celeste Kinginger, Joan Kelly Hall and so many more people whose work I've read and admired for years. I loved the solitude of State College: it's Amish country, right smack in the middle of the state. Quiet forests surround a gorgeous university full of some of the most elite student and faculty minds in the country. The one problem: it's solitude might prove tricky for Justin to find work. His happiness and well-being are just as important as mine; this was a team decision and he needed to be comfortable. Justin flew out a couple of days after I was there, and he really loved the area. He could visualize us there, and he completely supported me, whether I chose Penn State or Michigan State.
When we got home, we talked and thought a lot. Both places, Michigan and Pennsylvania, would be great. It almost could have come down to a flip of a coin. I am an incredibly lucky woman to have the full support of Justin in this decision: he was behind me no matter what. It was ultimately up to me. I went back and forth for weeks. I produced a pros and cons list. I talked to many professors, mentors, friends, and family. I wanted to gain as much advice as possible, whether I took it or not. Ultimately, I chose Penn State. It was my dream school, the program offered me an incredible package, and Justin felt strongly that he could find work there, despite its remoteness.
Nine months later, I had chosen my next step. Unbelievable. All of that work, focus, stress, self-doubt, and exhaustion led me to have an incredible choice of universities, including my dream school, which I will now be attending in the fall.
I have always had this character within me: if I wanted something, I went and got it. I was always very focused, very creative, and very talented. I am a talented drummer, having played for over 20 years now. I played every sport growing up, but in high school was a championship snowboarder, one of the best downhill racers in the nation. I worked so hard to become that! I forced myself out of an incredibly shy demeanor in high school and joined drama. Acting in many plays throughout high school, I was thrilled senior year to become second lead in Electra, playing Electra's sister Chrysothemus. I built the stage for Much Ado About Nothing and was sound design for Hair. After I graduated high school, I took a chance and traveled through Europe with friends. In college, I found myself in honors programs and being asked to TA and take graduate courses as an undergrad. As a MA student at Davis, I took a chance to get involved in work in Nicaragua, a project that I've now been a part of for five years. I did all of this, from high school to grad school, often working two jobs, also. I just go and do. I see something, and I want it, so I figure out how to get it. I don't do it all by myself. It takes extreme support and love from those close to me, and who see something within me that I might not always see myself, but nonetheless, the ultimate goal is mine to attain.
The application process was hard, but the actual program at Penn State will be even harder. The only way I can do this is with the continued support of Justin and my family. Justin leaves in late June to continue his job search and find housing for us. I am teaching summer school and will leave in early August. We look forward to many firsts: buying our own home, having a child, continuing our small business in a different place. This is going to be very hard for us, but we aren't the first to do it, nor will we be the last. Uprooting a life and moving it across the country takes a lot of guts and faith. So here we go: we'll keep you posted!
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